Wide Awake and Dreaming

In Season 3, Cordelia branded Xander as the Zeppo, the unnecessary adjunct to a group of heroes who tolerated his presence and used him to go fetch donuts. This may seem to be superficially true, but if that is what you see when you look at Xander, then perhaps you should step back and look again.

The ability to do just that (step back and see things more clearly) is one of Xander's biggest strengths. This is especially important in Season 7.

XANDER: I see more than anybody realizes, 'cause nobody's watching me. I saw you last night, I see you working here today... You're not special. You're extraordinary.
DAWN: Maybe that's your power.
XANDER: What?
DAWN: Seeing. Knowing.
-Potential

This comes up again when Caleb removes his eye. He calls Xander the one who sees everything. As flighty as he may seem, and as often as he is making jokes, Xander really does pay attention to those around him. Because of this he often tends to be the voice of reason, speaking the truth when no one else wants to do so. He just doesn't often have the courage to stand up against the crowd, unless it is something he feels strongly about. For example, he was the one who repeatedly spoke out about Buffy's relationship with Angel. Whatever part you believe jealousy may have played in his actions, he was saying what needed to be said.

This is not a skill that he often turns on himself. Xander isn't big on self-examination, but conversely is unflinchingly honest when he does. He tends to deflect such evaluation, by himself or others, because he is afraid of being hurt. He focuses on the details, makes those around him laugh, and fades into the background when necessary, hoping that no one will look at him and wonder what he is doing there.

Another aspect of this deflection is that he is often willing to be complacent and go along with the will of others. He is not a doormat, though. If he feels strongly about something, he will stand up for it. He is the one most likely (other than Cordelia, in the early seasons) to stand up to Buffy and put her in her place. She is often shocked, but does listen when he does, because he is also one of her biggest supporters.

Most of his flaws are a result of a lack of confidence, or self-worth. It is even more difficult for him, because he is the only "normal," human, one in the group. He was a bit more balanced when he was dating Cordelia. She was also human, and less necessary to the group than he was, but there was a constant power struggle in that relationship. He may have believed that he wasn't good enough for her, either. He also tends to ease into the roles expected of him, going with the flow. He has had a series of dead-end jobs and was the general gopher of the group. He is more likely to let things happen to him than to plan for them, perhaps because he lacks the confidence that he would succeed.

Xander's lack of confidence is even more evident in the first four seasons, up until the fifth season episode, "The Replacement." Even in that when he gets a promotion to a new job and a new apartment, they are things that just happened to him. We can see in the two Xanders both his potential and his image of himself. While there are periods where he stands up for himself and gains confidence (The Zeppo) and others where he is made to feel loved and necessary to the group (Primevil), there are many more episodes that show him as anchorless and directionless, going with the flow for the sake of peace and his place in the group.

His place in the group is well reflected by the spell that Willow performs in Primevil. Then and now, he is the heart. He is the best friend, decent and kind, and he can be counted on in a crisis, no matter how irresponsible he may appear in the rest of his life. He feels a sense of duty to his friends and their circle, and enjoys helping them and sticking by them in any situation. Even when he vehemently disagreed with Buffy (over Angel, Spike), he supported her.

He is also the confidante of the group - not in the sense that they tell him their secrets, but that they go to him for advice and trust him to listen to their problems. Despite the rocky state of their friendship, after season 3, Willow goes to Xander for advice when she is worried about her relationship with Oz, and he gives her some very practical advice. Riley confesses that he knows Buffy doesn't love him. Buffy asks Xander to take Dawn away from the fighting and keep her safe, in essence asking him to raise and take care of her if Buffy doesn't make it. He welcomes this and recognizes it for the respect that it is, even if it sometimes surprizes him.

Xander isn't stupid, despite his sometimes-bumbling persona. He did have trouble with Math in school, asking Willow for help on several occasions. On the other hand, he has held his own in study sessions, for years, however grudgingly. He is also good at analyzing situations and determining the best angle of approach. He is a good strategist. Some people attribute this to his "soldier boy" days, but I think it is an innate ability, as not much else of the soldier training seemed to have stuck with him. He also proved himself to be witty and mentally agile in his verbal sparring with Cordelia.

His relationship with Cordelia is also a good indicator of the type of relationships that Xander enjoys. He is very passionate with those he cares about. His fights (and kisses) with Cordelia, the sex and relationship with Anya, all seem to illustrate this. He needs a partner with a strong personality, and often seems attracted to older (or more mature) women. This can work against him if he falls back on his tendency to just go with the flow. Cordelia, Anya and Faith have all looked down on him for his seeming lack of ability to stand up to them. However, this is not entirely accurate.

As in all of his relationships, he is very tolerant and easy going, but he does have a limit. He is capable of standing up to others, and will if pushed. The problem exists that he is so busy being supportive that sometimes he fails to realize that he needs to take the lead. In the Zeppo, for example, he lets both the bully, Jack, and Cordelia tease him, threaten him and push him around, up until he realizes that he has to take care of the situation. He ends up silencing Cordelia and saving his friends from the bomb Jack planted, without ever drawing attention to himself, or even letting them know.

He isn't comfortable in the spotlight, and he appeared more mature, to us, the viewers for not telling them. It made us cheer for him and want recognition for him, but that is not want he wants. He has made a point of not being seen, or to be a clown so that he wasn't taken seriously. He didn't make an issue of his troubled home life - whatever it was. We learn more from the confidences that he shared with Willow and Cordelia, and from what we can witness ourselves, than we ever do from him. He chose to work around it and still be supportive of his friends, while not asking for the same in return.

Because of his tendancy to deflect attention, he is easily overlooked, perhaps too easily at times, but he is always there to be noticed. Much like the "clothes fluke" in which he finally saw Willow and she rediscovered him. It would not be surprising for any of the characters to suddenly look around and see his potential - as a friend, as a lover, as a mate.