Fandom: CSI:NY, Danny Messer
Rating: PG
Prompt: varietypack100 096. Writer's Choice.
Notes: Character experiment, answers a question from the theatrical_muse list: #144 -- Have you ever rebelled? If you have, how did you do it?
( Spoilers for 'On the Job' )
I rebelled - all the way to the NYPD. Some rebellion, huh, punk kid becoming an upstanding member of society. Except it wasn't like that at all. It wasn't about stickin' it to my old man, or Sonny Sassone, to anyone. Hell, it's more of a joke than anything to the guys in the old neighborhood, and it ain't much better around here, where the whispers and looks follow me around corners, like I don't know what they're saying, like I'm not a crime scene investigator who puts shit together on a daily basis.
Except, that's how I feel right now - the rebel without a clue. Act first; think about it never. When everything is pushing in on you, putting you down, sometimes, you just have to push back. The problem is that once you do - when you feel the power and finally get free - that you forget to stop pushing. Sometimes, though, you just got to stand there and take it like a man.
I forgot about that, or maybe I just didn't want to believe it. Now, I'm paying the price. Should have listened to Mac. Should have believed he had my back, that he wasn't just trying to push me down, put me in my place. I didn't, though. Got to go my own way; got to be the rebel, right? All I did was look like everything they believed about me, everything they whispered behind my back was true.
One of these days, I'm going to learn that being a rebel doesn't make you right. Sometimes, it means knowing when not to fight.